I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
