Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Damn victory sex feels great
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
