I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
