shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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