meet me or not, i'm out of control
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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