he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
