and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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