We named our party play list daddy issues
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
