Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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