Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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