I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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