I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
