You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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