If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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