What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Where is the hickey?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
