So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
