I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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