dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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