So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
