I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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