Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
