I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You can't special order awesome
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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