New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have aggressive nipples.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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