I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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