It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
