Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
