dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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