Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
