big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
