I'm really into asian looking animals
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
