I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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