I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
