Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
