If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
