Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
