first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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