Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
