It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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