i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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