The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
