why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
