That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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