another moral hangover. fuck.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
