i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
