whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
