He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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