If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
