I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
