I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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