dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
